These last few weeks God stirred in my heart, revealing areas I wasn’t familiar with, areas that needed massive transformation. In our small group we discussed “Identity in Christ.” A few key points really hit me, as I pondered over them all these unforeseen truths came spilling out.
As Christians we know that our identity is in Christ. He created us with purpose and we find our value in Him. He designed all of us with our unique quirks and personalities for His specific purposes. He gave all of us different gifts/talents so that together we would all work together for His glory.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:4-5)
“The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors, and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.” (Ephesians 4: 11-13)
There you have it, a fairly simple principle that I would hope most Christians know and believe. Being raised in the church I have known this fact, that God purposefully created me and I find my identity in him, for a long as I can remember. AHHH…but what a long twelve inches it is from the mind to the heart. Although I’ve known my identity is in Christ, my heart believed and acted otherwise.
I realized that for too long I’ve been placing my identity and value in foolish worldly things. After years of doing this I was left frustrated, angry, bitter, sad, rejected, broken, and every other adjective Webster could recommend. I dug deep and found that this error started back in high school, if not sooner. In high school I got along with everyone, was funny, had very good grades, and was involved in sports/activities. Thus, that was my identity; the nice smart guy that makes people laugh and is involved in a lot. I was content with that and because those were all good qualities and because people liked me I felt valued. I was happy with that. In college I ended up moving out on my own, working full time, graduated at the top of my class, and the professors all liked me and encouraged me to enter into the master’s program. So in college, that was my identity; the smart guy that works really hard and is going to do big things with his life. I was proud of that…TOO PROUD.
Fast-forward a few years, and you would have found me a very different person. Like I said, I was angry, frustrated, bitter, and the list goes on. I knew that I had changed and those that were close to me could see the change as well. Now I see that all of those negative feelings were self-inflicted because I was searching for identity and value. At the time, I had a job that I was embarrassed of, don’t get me wrong, I was thankful to be employed and my bills were always paid on time, but honestly it wasn’t a job that I was proud of. I interviewed for countless jobs, but was never hired, I felt stuck and unknowingly, I had placed my value in my job. At the same time, I was living in a very small house (because that’s all that I could afford) that was fairly beat up and needed a lot of work, you could call it ghetto. Again I fell into that identity trap where I placed my identity and value in my house. Somewhere deep down I mistakenly thought that my value was found in my “ghetto” house that I was too embarrassed of to invite people over for dinner or a movie. In other words, I worried about what people thought about my job and my house. I’ve learned that other people don’t think about us as much as we worry about what they think of us.
I think that was very American of me; not to slam America, I’m proud to be American, but somehow we got it all wrong and created this system where your form of employment and your house determines your status. We find value in making six figures and living in a house that is more of a mansion than a home. We strive to make more, to spend more and to brag about it.
As I thought about these things and realized how foolish I had been, all these other truths began to surface. I found that most of my anger and frustration was born from this inner battle that I wasn’t aware was raging on. On one side I was proud of myself, not to say that I was arrogant, but I had a healthy amount of confidence. I had always done very well in school so I felt that I was more intelligent than the average person. I was very responsible; and I was the nice guy that tried to help others out. Somewhere along the way I felt that I was entitled to a prestigious job, a good salary, and a nice house, where I could pay someone else to mow the lawn. On the other hand I was placing my value and identity in my job, my house, and what I worried others thought of what my life had become. I sought approval form others and thought that gave me value. These conflicting thoughts built up and turned me into a young man consumed with anger; and I just wanted change, approval, happiness, value……….
Now, I sit back and almost want to laugh out loud; you know one of those laughs that are contagious and make you laugh until you cry. How foolish I was. Honestly, I reread this and can’t believe how insane I was, but you know what, that’s not who I am now. I know that those rough years helped to humble me and show me that I’m entitled to NOTHING! God allowed me to go through that time to awaken me and teach me how needy I am and that ultimately He’s in control.
I’m learning that my heavenly Father gives me value and my identity is in him. I am his creation, his child, I was created with purpose, and I am loved. He gave me a voice and the gift of music. He gave me my personality because he wanted to and because he had the authority to. He orchestrated my ancestral lines so that I would be born to my parents. He planned that I would end up in Tulare, California; where I would get lost and I would break, but he already knew that would happen and he had plans to save me. He already saved the day, long before it happened.
I’m a work in progress. …I’m in repair and I’m not ashamed to admit that. We’re all broken to some extent.
Regret?... No…I’ll take the lessons life throws at me, learn from them, and hopefully use them to encourage/help people that God puts in my path. Who knows, that could be one of you reading this…that just needs a wakeup call like I did.
My value does not come from you, my job, house, car, or from my clothes.
I have value...God gives me value and created me with purpose.
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