In the short week that I've been here God has begun a very good work in me. This work has only just begun; I can't imagine where it will lead. I have some ideas/hints and I continue to pray and meditate about these things and seek God's direction. Which brings to mind Ephesians 4: "I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."
I strive to live my life worthy of the calling to which God is calling me. This is a weird process, yet I'm filled with peace. I have experienced a lot of change in my life over the past month and I am very vulnerable as I am trusting in the Lord's plans and how he wants to use me in ministry. Yet, God has given me peace and joy, far more than I ever experienced when I tried to attain my own goals/plans.
During this week God has taught me humilty in a very unexpected way. At the Special Ed School, Centro Especial Genesis I work with a 10 year old boy named Vladi. He has paralysis of the facial muscles. As a result he must lift his eyelids with his fingers just to see and he has difficulty with speech and eating/drinking. Yesterday I held him infant style while he drank a bottle of juice. He must drink this way so that he can swallow fluids. I sat there holding him overwhelmed with compassion. It's easy to question God and say, "How could you let this happen to him?" but I felt love for Vladi. He is God's child and he is perfectly loved.
It hit me like a train...that is the insecurities that I have had because of my cleft lip. As a teenager I was made fun of by guys and I was and still am insecure with my looks because I thought that girls wouldn't be attracted to me. As I held Vladi and watched this 10 year old drink from a bottle I felt foolish for all the times I had looked in the mirror and stared at my lip with anger for this birth defect. Vladi cannot even look in the mirror without using his hands to lift his eyelids, yet all these years I complained to God about a fairly small scar on my face. That's "in your face" humility. I love how God just "walks into the room" when we least expect it, and we experience His presence and grace. Vladi...God used you to speak to my heart...God Bless you.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Today I am....
Today I am in the Dominican Republic, beging a seven month journey. I'm here doing mission work; something I never imagined I would be doing, but it's exciting. I know that while I am here I will experience many things, some good and some bad. When I return home I will have a different outlook on life and God will have done some huge refining in my heart. So...I'm laying it all out there, taking a look at who I am today. As my time here passes, I'll look back and see how I've grown and changed more into the image of Christ. So this is who I am today.
Today I am a 27 year old who has let life make me bitter. That's a fairly vulnerable thing to admit, but it's the truth, so there you go. I did all the "right" things you are supposed to as a young adult (acording to the American dream). I went to college, worked full time to pay for school, and graduated at the top of my class. All the while, I attended church and tried to be a "good person" but my relationship with the Lord was nonexistent. After college I pursued many different jobs, but was never hired. I looked into working on a masters degree in agriculture, but that did not work out. I also had some relationships fall apart. At the time it felt like nothing in my life was working out as I had planned. It felt like my hopes and aspirations were taken away from me. I was completely frustrated, angry, and mad at God and the world. Looking back, I realize that I was consumed with pursuing MY plans/goals rather than following the Lord's plans. Unknowingly, I was wrestling with God like Jacob did. Apparently I didn't pay very good attention in sunday school as a child.
Throughout the last few years God has been slowly breaking down all of the walls that I built up. He has revealed himelf to me in so many ways and has been showing me that He has a much bigger and different purpose for me. Many of you know that I'm involved with leading worship, which is all of God. I never planned on or dreamed of singing in front of people, yet now it's something I do on a regular basis. In many ways the Lord has been showing me that He wants to use me in ministry. So here I am in Jarabacoa for seven months, working with special needs children at Centro Especial Genesis. This is the biggest step of faith that I've ever taken, and now that I'm here it just feels right.
Today I am in progress....learning form my mistakes, turning all of my frustrations/anger over to God, trusting in the Lord's plans for my life, allowing Him to transform my heart and mind.
Today I am in the process of reformation....a life long process without a finnish line. The more I submit, the more God changes and refines me to be the Jeff he created me to be.
Today I am....a different Jeff than I was a year ago.
Today I am a 27 year old who has let life make me bitter. That's a fairly vulnerable thing to admit, but it's the truth, so there you go. I did all the "right" things you are supposed to as a young adult (acording to the American dream). I went to college, worked full time to pay for school, and graduated at the top of my class. All the while, I attended church and tried to be a "good person" but my relationship with the Lord was nonexistent. After college I pursued many different jobs, but was never hired. I looked into working on a masters degree in agriculture, but that did not work out. I also had some relationships fall apart. At the time it felt like nothing in my life was working out as I had planned. It felt like my hopes and aspirations were taken away from me. I was completely frustrated, angry, and mad at God and the world. Looking back, I realize that I was consumed with pursuing MY plans/goals rather than following the Lord's plans. Unknowingly, I was wrestling with God like Jacob did. Apparently I didn't pay very good attention in sunday school as a child.
Throughout the last few years God has been slowly breaking down all of the walls that I built up. He has revealed himelf to me in so many ways and has been showing me that He has a much bigger and different purpose for me. Many of you know that I'm involved with leading worship, which is all of God. I never planned on or dreamed of singing in front of people, yet now it's something I do on a regular basis. In many ways the Lord has been showing me that He wants to use me in ministry. So here I am in Jarabacoa for seven months, working with special needs children at Centro Especial Genesis. This is the biggest step of faith that I've ever taken, and now that I'm here it just feels right.
Today I am in progress....learning form my mistakes, turning all of my frustrations/anger over to God, trusting in the Lord's plans for my life, allowing Him to transform my heart and mind.
Today I am in the process of reformation....a life long process without a finnish line. The more I submit, the more God changes and refines me to be the Jeff he created me to be.
Today I am....a different Jeff than I was a year ago.
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