The Story of God, the Story of Us

The past few weeks I've been reading a metanarrative of the Bible. I also peeled open the first couple books of the old testament, despite the dust that hung onto the pages that had remained closed for too long. I realized that I had basically ignored Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and their successors for quite some time. I avoided them, I guess because they always seemed like boring history and never ending lists of genealogy. Oddly enough, I'm just short of being a history guru, you would think that I would enjoy the old stories from the Bible. Perhaps hearing the stories of  Noah, Father Abraham, and Joseph over and over again as a child, sent me desperately to the book of Matthew and beyond looking for fresh material. It's easy to jump to the gospel, read, and reflect because it seems to be "more life applicable," that is, unless you know how to read between the lines. Between the lines...that's where I've been, and that's where I remembered.....remembered that I had forgotten. No matter how much we experience and learn in our lifetime, it's so easy to.....forget.

Abram....How easily and quickly we lift him up, Father Abraham, and admire him because he was willing to sacrifice Isaac. Obviously he loved God and had great faith, but like me, he also had a fair share of run-ins with sin. I lost count of the instances where he lied to others about his wife, Sarai, claiming that she was his sister. Also, when God made a covenant with him, Abram taunted and doubted him by saying, "O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus? You have given me no offspring, and so a slave born in my house is to be my heir." (Genesis 15: 2-3) He even doubted God after the covenant was made by laying with his wife's slave-girl, Hagar, to assure he would have children. I think about all the mistakes that Abram/Abraham made and it's easy to judge and condemn him, but when I look at him I see someone very familiar, I see me. Like Abraham, I have doubted God. Countless times I've worried, doubted, and tried to take control of different situations in my life. I've even doubted God here in the Dominican Republic. That's the oxymoron to top 'em all ..."a missionary that doubts God." Odd I know, but true. I worry about finding a job once I return home, which shows that somewhere deep down, I doubt that God will provide for me. So, I am like Abraham. I forgot that for the last twenty seven years God has provided and cared for me. I forgot that he is all powerful and can take care of all my needs. I forgot that I am helpless and no matter how much I think I am in control, I am definitely not in control. I forgot...and because of that, I let fear and doubt consume me. But...like Abraham, God can still use me, for his glory.

Joseph.....sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. Brought to Egypt where he resists the advances of Potiphar's wife, but she lies and he suffers the consequences in jail. Let's stop right here...why? Because if the first half of Joseph's life doesn't humble you, then I don't know what will. I guarantee that I and none of you have ever been sold into slavery, especially not at the hands of our own family. I'm also guessing that none of us have been unjustly imprisoned after turning down the advances of a married person. However, the last few years I've been complaining to God about very trivial circumstances in my life. I'm sure we've all complained to God over trivial things. I forgot how good my life was and how much God had already blessed me. Back to Joseph. So, life gives him the short end of the stick and he's in prison, but God is with him. Joseph gains favor with Pharaoh and is given power over Egypt. He saves Egypt from famine and in the process he also saves his family, reconciles with his brothers, and brings his family to Egypt to share in his prosperity. Joseph...a man who's faith was so mature that he forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery. "God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God; he has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt." (Genesis 45: 7-8) He then brings his family to Egypt (Goshen) to share in his prosperity. Joseph...I forgot about you, and I bet most of us have. I've definately been wronged by people, and unfortunately had my fair share of grudges. When I think about Joseph and how he handled life I remember the importance of humility and forgiveness. I forgot that humility and thankfulness go hand in hand, and I was overlooking all the ways that God was providing for me. I had also given forgiveness my own earthly boundaries, in which I only forgave people who were "easy" to forgive. You know, people whom you love and have only done minor things against you. I know I was wrong, God showed me that I was, and he continues to work in my heart. So Joseph....I forgot about you and how you lived your life as an example for all of us. Your faith was definately stronger than mine is right now, but I'm growing. And God probably won't use me to save Egypt from famine, but God can use me to save some people from hell.

The old testament...I neglected you for too long. Now I'm reading and I see myself in all these pages of ancient history. I see myself making the mistakes that people made thousands of years ago. I see myself doubting God, turning back to him, and him forgiving me like he did my predecessors. I see him changing my heart and using me for his kingdom. Intertwined in all of these passages God is calling out to all of us, remember...remember...remember!!!. I see that the Bible, the story of God....is the story of us....and it's the story of me. I'll try my hardest not to forget.

A Bourne Identity

These last few weeks God stirred in my heart, revealing areas I wasn’t familiar with, areas that needed massive transformation. In our small group we discussed “Identity in Christ.” A few key points really hit me, as I pondered over them all these unforeseen truths came spilling out.

As Christians we know that our identity is in Christ. He created us with purpose and we find our value in Him. He designed all of us with our unique quirks and personalities for His specific purposes. He gave all of us different gifts/talents so that together we would all work together for His glory.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:4-5)

“The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors, and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.” (Ephesians 4: 11-13)

 There you have it, a fairly simple principle that I would hope most Christians know and believe. Being raised in the church I have known this fact, that God purposefully created me and I find my identity in him, for a long as I can remember. AHHH…but what a long twelve inches it is from the mind to the heart. Although I’ve known my identity is in Christ, my heart believed and acted otherwise.

 I realized that for too long I’ve been placing my identity and value in foolish worldly things. After years of doing this I was left frustrated, angry, bitter, sad, rejected, broken, and every other adjective Webster could recommend. I dug deep and found that this error started back in high school, if not sooner. In high school I got along with everyone, was funny, had very good grades, and was involved in sports/activities. Thus, that was my identity; the nice smart guy that makes people laugh and is involved in a lot. I was content with that and because those were all good qualities and because people liked me I felt valued. I was happy with that. In college I ended up moving out on my own, working full time, graduated at the top of my class, and the professors all liked me and encouraged me to enter into the master’s program. So in college, that was my identity; the smart guy that works really hard and is going to do big things with his life. I was proud of that…TOO PROUD. 

Fast-forward a few years, and you would have found me a very different person. Like I said, I was angry, frustrated, bitter, and the list goes on. I knew that I had changed and those that were close to me could see the change as well. Now I see that all of those negative feelings were self-inflicted because I was searching for identity and value. At the time, I had a job that I was embarrassed of, don’t get me wrong, I was thankful to be employed and my bills were always paid on time, but honestly it wasn’t a job that I was proud of. I interviewed for countless jobs, but was never hired, I felt stuck and unknowingly, I had placed my value in my job. At the same time, I was living in a very small house (because that’s all that I could afford) that was fairly beat up and needed a lot of work, you could call it ghetto. Again I fell into that identity trap where I placed my identity and value in my house. Somewhere deep down I mistakenly thought that my value was found in my “ghetto” house that I was too embarrassed of to invite people over for dinner or a movie. In other words, I worried about what people thought about my job and my house. I’ve learned that other people don’t think about us as much as we worry about what they think of us.

I think that was very American of me; not to slam America, I’m proud to be American, but somehow we got it all wrong and created this system where your form of employment and your house determines your status. We find value in making six figures and living in a house that is more of a mansion than a home. We strive to make more, to spend more and to brag about it.

As I thought about these things and realized how foolish I had been, all these other truths began to surface. I found that most of my anger and frustration was born from this inner battle that I wasn’t aware was raging on. On one side I was proud of myself, not to say that I was arrogant, but I had a healthy amount of confidence. I had always done very well in school so I felt that I was more intelligent than the average person. I was very responsible; and I was the nice guy that tried to help others out. Somewhere along the way I felt that I was entitled to a prestigious job, a good salary, and a nice house, where I could pay someone else to mow the lawn. On the other hand I was placing my value and identity in my job, my house, and what I worried others thought of what my life had become. I sought approval form others and thought that gave me value. These conflicting thoughts built up and turned me into a young man consumed with anger; and I just wanted change, approval, happiness, value……….

Now, I sit back and almost want to laugh out loud; you know one of those laughs that are contagious and make you laugh until you cry. How foolish I was. Honestly, I reread this and can’t believe how insane I was, but you know what, that’s not who I am now. I know that those rough years helped to humble me and show me that I’m entitled to NOTHING! God allowed me to go through that time to awaken me and teach me how needy I am and that ultimately He’s in control.

I’m learning that my heavenly Father gives me value and my identity is in him. I am his creation, his child, I was created with purpose, and I am loved. He gave me a voice and the gift of music. He gave me my personality because he wanted to and because he had the authority to. He orchestrated my ancestral lines so that I would be born to my parents. He planned that I would end up in Tulare, California; where I would get lost and I would break, but he already knew that would happen and he had plans to save me. He already saved the day, long before it happened.

I’m a work in progress. …I’m in repair and I’m not ashamed to admit that. We’re all broken to some extent.

 Regret?... No…I’ll take the lessons life throws at me, learn from them, and hopefully use them to encourage/help people that God puts in my path. Who knows, that could be one of you reading this…that just needs a wakeup call like I did.

My value does not come from you, my job, house, car, or from my clothes.

I have value...God gives me value and created me with purpose.