Because Much Was Given

I was blessed to be born into a nice family. My parents had a good marriage and they provided for us kids. Compared to American standards we were definitely not rich, but we weren’t poor either. I never worried about where my next meal was coming from or whether or not I could afford a new pair of shoes. I was involved in soccer, swimming, and music…..because that’s what every child does, right? I got a car my senior year in high school, it wasn’t brand new or fancy, but it ran well enough and got me where I needed to go. I was raised in the church, every Sunday, without fail, we filled a pew and every night we read the Bible around the dinner table. I’ve always been thankful for all of these blessings, but looking back I see that I wasn’t thankful enough. I saw myself and the world through this distorted worldly suburban lens, which has been shattered, and I’m grateful for the new view…..it’s much clearer now.

I see children that come to school with miserable looking sneakers and torn pants, but they smile and they learn. My students’ backpacks all have broken zippers, but they don’t go out and buy new ones, they use what they have. I walk through barrios where all you see are tin roofs, wood slat homes, and barbed wire, and I’m accustomed to it. A friend of mine walks everywhere, or gets a ride from someone, because his family could never afford a car or a motto.  

Living here in the Dominican Republic has put into perspective how much God blessed me. I took so much for granted and because of that I am ashamed. I imagine how hurt I would be if I gave someone a gift that I knew was perfect for them and they weren’t thankful for it. Ungratefulness hurts God, and though I’ve hurt God in the past, I strive to be more grateful. I realize that God, in his infinite wisdom, intentionally placed me in my family with the advantages that I had growing up. I didn’t deserve any of it, yet he freely gave it all to me. Why was he so gracious to me, maybe because he trusts me to be a leader, a world changer, a disciple? I don’t know, but what matters is that I use all the talents that he gave me to glorify him.

In Luke 12:49 Jesus says this, “From everyone whom much has been given, much will be required; and from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded.” I’ve known this lesson for as long as I can remember, but it was just head knowledge, I didn’t live it out in my heart or my life. I was careless, wasting God’s gifts and his time. God, the creator of the universe entrusted me with much, and I’m guilty of wasting his gifts. Because Jesus died for all of us by shedding his blood I’m also guilty of wasting his blood. WASTING HIS BLOOD….. I’m ashamed of that, but I’m also forgiven and I choose to live differently now and in the years to come.

In Matthew 25:14….. we find the parable of the talents. Through this parable Jesus teaches us that God has entrusted all of us with this world and he holds us accountable. I see that he entrusts me with my talents, friends, family, money, opportunities, time, etc….. I know that God has entrusted me with much, but I have fallen short so many times. I’ve wasted money and time. I’ve been superficial in my relationships and not invested in people the way that God intended for me to. I’ve let opportunities pass me by and I’ve let my gifts go unused. I know God didn’t create me to be idle, he created and equipped me to be active…actively seeking him and reflecting him to the world. I’ve definitely fallen short and not lived to the potential that God intends me to, but I’m growing and learning how to be more responsible with all that God has given me.

I find it funny that in America we are so concerned with recycling and conserving water/electricity/resources, but as Christians we so easily waste all that God has given us. I imagine that spiritually a lot of us represent an ugly landfill full of plastic bottles, waiting to be reused. How much do we waste what God has given us? This image saddens me because I know how much I’ve wasted. So I’m collecting all the empty bottles in my life and I’m using them for God and his kingdom.

 I’m grateful for all that God has given me and for the person that he intends me to be. I’m learning to be responsible with all that God has given me. He trusts me to use all that he has given me. He trusts me..…I think about that and I’m awestruck, to think that God trusts ME. He trusts me with music, friendships, money, leadership, relationships..…he trusts me to use all that he has given me and I want to be a good and faithful servant. When I see God face to face I want him to be pleased with the way that I used all that he entrusted me with.

I know that because much was given…..much is required, and I’m excited for the challenge.

Play Ball

Last week the oldest man alive, who was an amazing 114 years old, died. Some words of wisdom that he left were these; "Embrace change, even when it slaps you in the face."
This week change slapped me in the face and I embraced it. Funny how a dead man that I never met spoke to me from the grave.

This past week was different and honestly, I wasn't looking forward to it, but now I am grateful for the change. Up until now I've been working at Genesis, a special education school. I've been working there for three months, so I've gotten into a routine. For the most part I know what my work day will look like and what I'll be doing. Of course with special needs children you have to be prepared for the unexpected, still it’s easy to get into a routine every week. There's nothing wrong with routine, but sometimes it takes being pulled out of your norm to see things in a new perspective, to learn from that, and grow.

This week the schools that are run by Students International were on break, but we had a team of American students here, so we ran a week long program of VBS with students from the different preschools. Each day we worked in a different community with different students and it was good to meet new people and interact with them. On Thursday I worked with Raul at the men's sports site and it was good getting to know him. At this site they lead Bible study with boys from the community (approx. age 7-14), play sports with them, and teach them lessons about life; with the goal of instilling values and morals into these boys who often misbehave and come from fatherless homes. I enjoyed working at the sport's site and while I was there God stirred in my heart, a feeling that I've come to recognize very well. God reminded me that the last few years I've been watching life pass me by. I was stuck in a routine where I was not fully engaged with life. Sure, I was living, but I was living without purpose. I was stale.

 I figure all of this culminated because I was out of my comfort zone. I was working with older kids that I didn't know. I was working with Raul, whom I didn't know very well either. I was working on a baseball field rather than in a classroom, and I'm definitely not great at baseball, I’m a soccer player. But, rather than sit back and let the day pass by, I jumped in, got dirty, had a good time and God taught me a lesson about myself and about life.

The last few years I was trapped in a routine, just going through the motions. I worked six days a week, took care of my responsibilities around the house, was involved in church, and spent time with friends. However, I wasn't fully engaged in life or with God's plans for me. You know how sometimes you daydream, starring off into space with that blank look on your face? Physically you're there, but your mind is off in "Never Never Land." That was me, except I would dare to say that the last year I've just begun to awake from a four year slumber.

I definitely could have invested more time, energy, and love into my relationships. I could have listened better. I know that often times I'm quick to speak. Instead I should be quick to listen, slow to speak (James 1:19). I didn’t intentionally try to build upon my relationships with my family and friends. Had I been more tuned in to my family and friends I could have developed more meaningful relationships. I could have asked more questions and spent more time. I could have cared more and been more sincere…..I could have been more the friend/brother/uncle/son that God created me to be.

I also gave fear too much power over me. I created my own little comfortable world and built up a wall, a Great Wall of China around me. But, I know God didn’t create me to be a coward and I know that Satan likes to use fear against us to keep us inactive. So I’m stepping out in faith and taking chances. I’ve learned that when I’m anxious or nervous it’s an opportune time to suck it up, experience life, and build character. I learned too that often times when I’m out of my comfort zone I have had some of the greatest experiences. So I’m learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

I was a very stagnant believer too. Sure, I went to church, was involved in praise team, and was part of a small group, but I was just a Christian, I wasn’t a disciple. Apparently I was so caught up watching life pass me by that I didn’t make the time or effort to reach out to my friends and co-workers whom don’t have a personal relationship with God. That’s a regret I pray doesn’t haunt me. I hope that God gives me a redo where the life that I lived in vain is forgiven and I can live differently, loving and investing in the people that I failed to before…..intentionally.

On Thursday, that baseball field…..those boys…..God…..taught me a lesson about myself and about the life God wants me to live. They showed me that I need to step out and take more risks, that I need to take initiative and live purposefully, and that being out of your comfort zone is a good place to be. Sometimes when we are uncomfortable we realize that comfortable is not as great as we thought it was. On Thursday I didn’t sit in the stands and watch the game; I walked down onto the field, played on a team, and had a really great time. My walls are crashing down because God’s stronger than any man-made walls that I could ever build and I’m glad for that…..I was tired of peeking over the top trying to watch everyone else play the game.

It's Fancy in Here

I've spent the last three months of my life here; in the Dominican Republic. I expected that after living here a while I would become acustomed to the culture and lifestyle. However, the other day it struck me...like one of those "ah hah" moments.....I'm living a new normal. It's kind of funny how and where it happened. The other day I went to Santiago with a few friends. Santiago is a large city and has a few American restuarants, so we had planned on eating dinner at Chilis. We were at Chilis, eating chips and salsa, like any ordinary American would, I was looking around the restuarant and said to my friends, "it's fancy in here." The words just barely left my mouth and I realized....I realized what I had said and what it meant. My outlook on life is definately far different from what it use to be. Honestly, how many of you have been at Chilis, Applebee's or any other well known American restuarant chain, looked around and thought to yourself...it's fancy in here? Even if you had thought that, I guarantee that you didn't think much of it, and moved on to the next thought that came into your mind. I know that up until a few days ago I had never thought or said those four words about a restuarant that we so often take for granted. I realize that I'm living a NEW normal, partly because I'm in a different country and culture and mostly because God is at work in me, changing the way that I think and act.

Walking through a bario is normal...it's a new normal. My Jr. high school was in a very bad neighborhood, which we called the bario. I remember driving past the houses on my way to school thinking, "those homes are ghetto." Now, I walk through neighborhoods where homes are built from slats of wood and the roofs consist of a thin sheet of tin. Fences are lined with barbed wire and dirty children play barefoot in the street, but it's not ghetto, it's just the way they live. It's normal.

My friends and I go up the mountain and just hang out, looking out over all of Jarabacoa. We buy food, go out to the "campo" (country) and cook over an open fire. We chop down a bunch of green bananas with a machette and boil them (they taste like potatoes). We hang out after school while one of the mothers cleans. We talk all the time.....we laugh all the time. We ask each other questions; questions about life. We listen to music. We hang out in the park; just to hang out. We don't spend a lot of money to have a good time...we spend a lot of time together to have a good time. That's normal.

I haven't watched television in three months. Back home a good friend of mine doesn't watch televison either, but has a t.v. so his family can watch movies together. I always thought that must be a hard sacrifice, but now I see the value in that discipline. Sure I miss being able to sit down and watch some television, but more than that I miss the time I wasted in the past watching televison when I could have been reading my Bible...spending time with family and friends...playing guitar...thinking...living. That's normal.

Now, I have more free time and I use it to read more...... pray more......study God's word more......to appreciate more......live more......listen more......to sit back and take it all in......MORE. Because of this I hear God more........I experience God more........I understand more......I grow more.
This is normal.

I know that when I go home and I sit in a restaurant or in a regular American home I'll think to myself.....It's fancy in here.

The Story of God, the Story of Us

The past few weeks I've been reading a metanarrative of the Bible. I also peeled open the first couple books of the old testament, despite the dust that hung onto the pages that had remained closed for too long. I realized that I had basically ignored Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and their successors for quite some time. I avoided them, I guess because they always seemed like boring history and never ending lists of genealogy. Oddly enough, I'm just short of being a history guru, you would think that I would enjoy the old stories from the Bible. Perhaps hearing the stories of  Noah, Father Abraham, and Joseph over and over again as a child, sent me desperately to the book of Matthew and beyond looking for fresh material. It's easy to jump to the gospel, read, and reflect because it seems to be "more life applicable," that is, unless you know how to read between the lines. Between the lines...that's where I've been, and that's where I remembered.....remembered that I had forgotten. No matter how much we experience and learn in our lifetime, it's so easy to.....forget.

Abram....How easily and quickly we lift him up, Father Abraham, and admire him because he was willing to sacrifice Isaac. Obviously he loved God and had great faith, but like me, he also had a fair share of run-ins with sin. I lost count of the instances where he lied to others about his wife, Sarai, claiming that she was his sister. Also, when God made a covenant with him, Abram taunted and doubted him by saying, "O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus? You have given me no offspring, and so a slave born in my house is to be my heir." (Genesis 15: 2-3) He even doubted God after the covenant was made by laying with his wife's slave-girl, Hagar, to assure he would have children. I think about all the mistakes that Abram/Abraham made and it's easy to judge and condemn him, but when I look at him I see someone very familiar, I see me. Like Abraham, I have doubted God. Countless times I've worried, doubted, and tried to take control of different situations in my life. I've even doubted God here in the Dominican Republic. That's the oxymoron to top 'em all ..."a missionary that doubts God." Odd I know, but true. I worry about finding a job once I return home, which shows that somewhere deep down, I doubt that God will provide for me. So, I am like Abraham. I forgot that for the last twenty seven years God has provided and cared for me. I forgot that he is all powerful and can take care of all my needs. I forgot that I am helpless and no matter how much I think I am in control, I am definitely not in control. I forgot...and because of that, I let fear and doubt consume me. But...like Abraham, God can still use me, for his glory.

Joseph.....sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. Brought to Egypt where he resists the advances of Potiphar's wife, but she lies and he suffers the consequences in jail. Let's stop right here...why? Because if the first half of Joseph's life doesn't humble you, then I don't know what will. I guarantee that I and none of you have ever been sold into slavery, especially not at the hands of our own family. I'm also guessing that none of us have been unjustly imprisoned after turning down the advances of a married person. However, the last few years I've been complaining to God about very trivial circumstances in my life. I'm sure we've all complained to God over trivial things. I forgot how good my life was and how much God had already blessed me. Back to Joseph. So, life gives him the short end of the stick and he's in prison, but God is with him. Joseph gains favor with Pharaoh and is given power over Egypt. He saves Egypt from famine and in the process he also saves his family, reconciles with his brothers, and brings his family to Egypt to share in his prosperity. Joseph...a man who's faith was so mature that he forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery. "God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God; he has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt." (Genesis 45: 7-8) He then brings his family to Egypt (Goshen) to share in his prosperity. Joseph...I forgot about you, and I bet most of us have. I've definately been wronged by people, and unfortunately had my fair share of grudges. When I think about Joseph and how he handled life I remember the importance of humility and forgiveness. I forgot that humility and thankfulness go hand in hand, and I was overlooking all the ways that God was providing for me. I had also given forgiveness my own earthly boundaries, in which I only forgave people who were "easy" to forgive. You know, people whom you love and have only done minor things against you. I know I was wrong, God showed me that I was, and he continues to work in my heart. So Joseph....I forgot about you and how you lived your life as an example for all of us. Your faith was definately stronger than mine is right now, but I'm growing. And God probably won't use me to save Egypt from famine, but God can use me to save some people from hell.

The old testament...I neglected you for too long. Now I'm reading and I see myself in all these pages of ancient history. I see myself making the mistakes that people made thousands of years ago. I see myself doubting God, turning back to him, and him forgiving me like he did my predecessors. I see him changing my heart and using me for his kingdom. Intertwined in all of these passages God is calling out to all of us, remember...remember...remember!!!. I see that the Bible, the story of God....is the story of us....and it's the story of me. I'll try my hardest not to forget.

A Bourne Identity

These last few weeks God stirred in my heart, revealing areas I wasn’t familiar with, areas that needed massive transformation. In our small group we discussed “Identity in Christ.” A few key points really hit me, as I pondered over them all these unforeseen truths came spilling out.

As Christians we know that our identity is in Christ. He created us with purpose and we find our value in Him. He designed all of us with our unique quirks and personalities for His specific purposes. He gave all of us different gifts/talents so that together we would all work together for His glory.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:4-5)

“The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors, and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.” (Ephesians 4: 11-13)

 There you have it, a fairly simple principle that I would hope most Christians know and believe. Being raised in the church I have known this fact, that God purposefully created me and I find my identity in him, for a long as I can remember. AHHH…but what a long twelve inches it is from the mind to the heart. Although I’ve known my identity is in Christ, my heart believed and acted otherwise.

 I realized that for too long I’ve been placing my identity and value in foolish worldly things. After years of doing this I was left frustrated, angry, bitter, sad, rejected, broken, and every other adjective Webster could recommend. I dug deep and found that this error started back in high school, if not sooner. In high school I got along with everyone, was funny, had very good grades, and was involved in sports/activities. Thus, that was my identity; the nice smart guy that makes people laugh and is involved in a lot. I was content with that and because those were all good qualities and because people liked me I felt valued. I was happy with that. In college I ended up moving out on my own, working full time, graduated at the top of my class, and the professors all liked me and encouraged me to enter into the master’s program. So in college, that was my identity; the smart guy that works really hard and is going to do big things with his life. I was proud of that…TOO PROUD. 

Fast-forward a few years, and you would have found me a very different person. Like I said, I was angry, frustrated, bitter, and the list goes on. I knew that I had changed and those that were close to me could see the change as well. Now I see that all of those negative feelings were self-inflicted because I was searching for identity and value. At the time, I had a job that I was embarrassed of, don’t get me wrong, I was thankful to be employed and my bills were always paid on time, but honestly it wasn’t a job that I was proud of. I interviewed for countless jobs, but was never hired, I felt stuck and unknowingly, I had placed my value in my job. At the same time, I was living in a very small house (because that’s all that I could afford) that was fairly beat up and needed a lot of work, you could call it ghetto. Again I fell into that identity trap where I placed my identity and value in my house. Somewhere deep down I mistakenly thought that my value was found in my “ghetto” house that I was too embarrassed of to invite people over for dinner or a movie. In other words, I worried about what people thought about my job and my house. I’ve learned that other people don’t think about us as much as we worry about what they think of us.

I think that was very American of me; not to slam America, I’m proud to be American, but somehow we got it all wrong and created this system where your form of employment and your house determines your status. We find value in making six figures and living in a house that is more of a mansion than a home. We strive to make more, to spend more and to brag about it.

As I thought about these things and realized how foolish I had been, all these other truths began to surface. I found that most of my anger and frustration was born from this inner battle that I wasn’t aware was raging on. On one side I was proud of myself, not to say that I was arrogant, but I had a healthy amount of confidence. I had always done very well in school so I felt that I was more intelligent than the average person. I was very responsible; and I was the nice guy that tried to help others out. Somewhere along the way I felt that I was entitled to a prestigious job, a good salary, and a nice house, where I could pay someone else to mow the lawn. On the other hand I was placing my value and identity in my job, my house, and what I worried others thought of what my life had become. I sought approval form others and thought that gave me value. These conflicting thoughts built up and turned me into a young man consumed with anger; and I just wanted change, approval, happiness, value……….

Now, I sit back and almost want to laugh out loud; you know one of those laughs that are contagious and make you laugh until you cry. How foolish I was. Honestly, I reread this and can’t believe how insane I was, but you know what, that’s not who I am now. I know that those rough years helped to humble me and show me that I’m entitled to NOTHING! God allowed me to go through that time to awaken me and teach me how needy I am and that ultimately He’s in control.

I’m learning that my heavenly Father gives me value and my identity is in him. I am his creation, his child, I was created with purpose, and I am loved. He gave me a voice and the gift of music. He gave me my personality because he wanted to and because he had the authority to. He orchestrated my ancestral lines so that I would be born to my parents. He planned that I would end up in Tulare, California; where I would get lost and I would break, but he already knew that would happen and he had plans to save me. He already saved the day, long before it happened.

I’m a work in progress. …I’m in repair and I’m not ashamed to admit that. We’re all broken to some extent.

 Regret?... No…I’ll take the lessons life throws at me, learn from them, and hopefully use them to encourage/help people that God puts in my path. Who knows, that could be one of you reading this…that just needs a wakeup call like I did.

My value does not come from you, my job, house, car, or from my clothes.

I have value...God gives me value and created me with purpose.

                                                                                              

A Chosen Disciple

Their home is dark because the electricity is turned off; this is common here.
Dishes of warm food cover the table however, this is not common here.
A candle is lit and placed on a saucer.....it's light is appreciated more than before.
Droplets of rain hit the tin roof...tap...tap tap.....a roof that was once eaten by rust and mother nature.
The rain comes down harder and he laughs. He used to sit in his home; wet.
The sound of rain is soothing.....he is dry.....the candle burns.

We gather around the table and eat the meal his mother prepared; it's delicious.
She spoon feeds him and he agrees.....it's delicious.
His story is a sad one; with twists and turns, with pride he shares anyway.....the good.....the bad.
He's familiar with suffering and poverty, but he prays for Americans who have far more than he ever will.
His speech is slurred and his education minimal.....he teaches intelectuals lessons about life.
A kitten plays around the table.....we lean in close and listen to his praise for God.....the candle burns.

He cannot hold a pencil; his hands are uncoordinated, but he writes songs.
Despite his circumstances he loves God wholeheartedly, and for God only.....he writes songs.
Cerebral palsy has crippled him physically, but his spirit is unrestrained.
He sits in a wheelchair; his legs and feet crooked and weak, but he stands taller than I do.
Humiliy creeps into the room unannounced, leaving it's mark on those who have ears to hear.
He is a vessel.....God gives him purpose.....he is Melvin.

Conversation is good.....hearts are changed.....his light shines.

In the Moment...

• The other day I played ball with children in a shanty town. Though my heart ached for the brokeness of the community I saw beauty in the childrens' laughter.
• While in Jarabacoa, I witnessed a man without legs dragging himself along the sidewalk. I was overwhelmed with sadness and compassion. I know that I cannot heal all the suffering or injustice in this world, but I can pray.....I can serve.....I can love.
• A new friend of mine made himself vulnerable and opended up to me about the things in his life that are heavy on his heart. I was reminded how human we all are; and that through vulnerability we build deeper relationships and have the opportunity to lift one another up.
• Last week I bottle fed a ten year old boy who suffers from severe facial paralysis. As I craddled him like an infant I was humbled to the point of feeling foolish. I dislike that feeling, but it was worth the lesson learned.
• I was privelaged to meet Melvin, a young man that suffers from severe cerebral palsy. His feet were dirty, his wheelchair old, and his speech slured, but he praised and glorified God wholeheartedly. Sometimes Jesus doesn't walk into the room; he sits there.
• Went to a music outreach in Los Higos and saw Araceli worshiping there. Last summer she tried to commit suicide because of her advanced multiple sclerosis. God is working in her life.....God is answering prayer.
• Almost daily I hike up the hill behind the base and get to look out over all of Jarabacoa. As I stand there I am reminded that this is God's city and greater things have yet to come...greater things are still to be done here. I'm blessed to be here for the time being.
• I strive to live in the moment, appreciate each day for what it is, and learn the lessons that God lays before me. Eyes open...ears open...heart open.....I'm living.